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Essential Elements Of Charisma Revealed
Charisma isn’t as simple as personal charm – basic hygiene, proper language, right attitude, and strong sex appeal. Although, glamour is indeed a big part in enhancing that hidden charisma in you, there are other elements more essential to learn to be able to complete the power of charisma. Remember: Charisma is more than just physical attractiveness!
Smiling is the easiest, most inexpensive, yet most refreshing gesture one can do without really exerting so much effort. Do you know that it only takes 14 muscles to smile, and 74 to frown? Imagine that! A charming, pleasant smile is a strong representation of a friendly and welcoming attitude towards another person. It is a receptive, nonverbal signal indirectly showing the willingness to communicate. When you smile to somebody, you’re demonstrating that you have noticed a person in a positive manner. The person, on the other hand, will consider it a compliment, will feel good, and will most likely smile back.
Smiling doesn’t mean that you have to put on a phony face all the time or pretend that you are happy. However, doesn’t it really make you feel good when you see someone you know? Therefore, you show him something that doesn’t need words or other friendly actions – because a smile is enough.
The human face sends out numbers of verbal and nonverbal signals, and the smile is one of these. It is actually the easiest and best way to show someone that you’ve noticed him. A smile indicates general approval towards the other person, and this will make him feel more open to talk to you.
A smile has endless advantages: it brightens not just your day, but the other’s day too; it lightens the mood, especially during problems and worries; it makes you look young, friendly, sweet, and attractive.
People tend to like those who smile more than those who frown or have no facial expression at all. It gives them guarantee that these people know how to see things lightly despite difficulties in life. And since a smile goes a long way, it is something that people cannot forget about you. They may not remember your name, but in the long run, they will surely see your smile in their minds, reminding them that you have brightened up their day even for a while.
Hence, learn to smile at any given chances. People will easily like you for it.
Developing That Charming Smile
Since the mouth produces a smile, it comes with the involvement of the teeth, the lips, the tongue, and the gums. Therefore, you should consider good dental health care if you want your smile to be more than just sparkling, but to be healthy as well. Dental care includes proper and regular brushing of the teeth, proper flossing, breath-freshening, and dental check-ups. Make sure your teeth are always clean – free from plaque, tartar, and food residues. This way, when you smile to other people, they will quickly notice the warmth and glow it adds to your face, making you more attractive, and not just a blank, emotionless person.
Although smiling doesn’t involve the odor of your breath, it is always safe to maintain the freshness and fragrance of it. Aside from brushing your teeth and tongue, use mouthwash to ensure that your breath smells like heaven. This will add, not just to the smile you are projecting, but to your over-all charisma as well.
Aside from taking care of the body part that is most responsible for producing your smile, you should also pay attention to your diet. A healthy diet brings a healthy smile and fresh breath. Avoid snacking between meals and remember to brush and floss your teeth after every meal. If you must snack, make them healthy snacks like fresh fruits and vegetables, instead of junk foods. Apples, pears, celeries, carrots, and other crunchy foods are good suggestions. They will aid in enzyme production, and the natural chewing of the crunchy foods will stimulate the gums.
Do not forget to drink plenty of water. Keep your mouth moist to avoid dryness. Remember that dry mouth is an indication of dental disease. Water stimulates the production of saliva and keeps it moist all of the time.
In addition to this, you must avoid drinking soft drinks, soda, or carbonated beverages. Do you know that Americans consume gallons of soda pop a day? Most are loaded with sugar, which obviously leads to poor dental hygiene, diseases, and discolored teeth. Don’t be fooled even if the label of the can or bottle says “diet.” Even they have huge amounts of acids that are very harmful to the enamel of your teeth.
And, if you think that only sodas are the culprit, think again! A recent study claims that all those popular sports drinks we buy may not be such a good idea after all. They may re-hydrate the body, but they can cause irreversible damage to the dental enamel. The study reports that fitness water, sports drinks, energy drinks, and other non-cola beverages increase the risk of damage by anywhere from 3 to 11 times! These drinks can never replace water, after all.
Finally, your smile will be more appealing if you share it with others. Be it strangers or friends, it wouldn’t hurt if you give some to them. What’s the use of taking dental health care and eating a healthy diet if you won’t show that lovely smile to the world? So, smile! Help the world reduce its heavy burden by lightening other people’s mood.
- BODY LANGUAGE
Contrary to what many people believe that it is only through our mouths and tongues that we can communicate with other people, our body can send even more messages than words can. Research has shown that over half face-to-face conversations are nonverbal. “Body language,” as it is called, often communicates our feelings and attitudes before we speak, using bodily gestures. It helps to project our level of receptivity to others. Hence, if we like to be liked easily, then we have to watch out the nonverbal messages we send to other people.
Body gestures can signify both negative and positive expressions. For example, frowning, crossed arms, and looking away can let other people realize that you are not interested at them at all. On the other hand, constant smiling and waving can mean friendly gestures to them and may make them notice you right away. Therefore, you have to know what possible messages other people can extract from your actions to avoid misunderstanding and eventually drawing away from one another.
More than that, if you aim only to display positive expressions, you ought to know what these body gestures are, so that you can catch other people’s attention in a positive manner. To help you be aware and remember what these positive behaviors are, take N-O-T-E of it, as in Nod, Open arms, Touch, and Eye contact.
- Nod. A nod of the head indicates that you are listening and you understand what the speaker is saying. It usually signals your approval to the idea being talked about, encouraging him to continue talking. Indirectly, it is saying, “I hear you, go on!” By not nodding or by just staring blankly, you may appear to be lost in the discussion.
- Open Arms. This gesture suggests that you are friendly and available for contact, thus the phrase “welcoming with open arms.” During a conversation, open arms make others feel that you are receptive and listening. On the other hand, standing or sitting with arms crossed or very close to the body may mean being defensive and closed-minded. With the latter description, people may think twice on approaching you as you appear to be in deep thought, or just don’t want to be disturbed.
- Touch. This touch refers to the warm handshake done by two people meeting for the first time. It implies that you are pleased to meet and know somebody personally. A warm and firm handshake is a safe way of showing an open and friendly attitude towards the people you meet. Indirectly, it says, “Hello! It’s nice to meet you.” Sometimes, at the end of conversations, handshakes are also carried out. This time, it may mean, “I’ve really enjoyed talking with you!” or “Let’s get together again soon!”
- Eye Contact. Do you believe that the strongest of the nonverbal gestures is sent through the eyes? In fact, the way you look at one person may entail various meanings. Direct eye contact during conversations, however, indicates that you are listening intently to the speaker and you are interested in what he is talking about. Remember that eye contact should be done naturally and not forcefully, so that it won’t turn out to be awkward.
Body language does play a big role in communicating with other people. Even if gestures don’t directly convey a message, there will always be an idea the communicators might extract from them. This is the reason why body language is an essential element in developing charisma. To get other people to notice and like you, you’d have to know how your body should properly speak to other people.
Learning to Speak the Language of the Body
Aside from taking N-O-T-E (Nod, Open Arms, Touch, and Eye Contact) of the body language, here are other things to consider when communicating with other people nonverbally:
- Do not overdo the eye contact. Make direct eye contact to show you are engaged, open, and responsive to the conversation the other person is carrying out with you. However, too much eye contact can turn into a stare-down. That can seem intimidating, or just plain awkward.
- Make use of your eyebrows. Let them dance along with your voice and the thoughts you’re trying to convey. The more animated your eyebrows are, the more outgoing, engaged, and friendly you’ll appear to other people. A positive thought is best expressed with a rising eyebrows, indirectly saying “I am open for you.” On the other hand, lowering them can imply negative thought.
- Emote with the eyes. Widening your eyes implies interest and passion. This will signal that you’re accepting, welcoming, or reacting on what others are saying. On the other hand, narrowing the eyes may mean disbelieving, doubting, or disagreeing to the idea of the other person.
- Combine your expressive eyes with a winning smile. A smile communicates friendliness. Eyes are expressions of emotions. When combined, they reveal attachment and so much interest on the other person. Their two features combined will equal more perceived friendliness than either one alone.
- Hold your head up when you talk. When your head is up high, it shows confidence – you’ll seem to know what you are saying or doing. It shows a level of engagement and warmth, as well. On the other hand, if your head is down low, you’ll appear timid, shy, and having no interest in participating a conversation or an activity.
- Maintain good posture. Proper poise and posture shows confidence, interest, as well as openness. Slouching is perceived as unfriendly because it indicates disengagement.
- Never tap your feet when someone is talking. Tapping says, “Hurry up, I’m losing interest,” or “I’m bored. When are you going stop?” Unless you want to convey those ideas, don’t tap your feet in front of somebody who is speaking. It clearly shows an unfriendly aura. You don’t want others to see this on you. Hence, go with your relaxed feet that are kinder and more welcoming. Relaxation shows that you are interested and have more time to listen.
- Speak up, rather than be quiet. Silence can be unfriendly. Words break the ice, so start a conversation. When you begin to talk, you can form a connection with other people that will get rid of the irritation and awkwardness possibly arising out of the silence. Maybe they are not as irksome as you thought, and you will find out how interesting they are. There’s no harm in breaking the silence and making new friends by speaking up.
- GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR
Humor captures people’s attention and sets them at ease. It is very helpful when trying to lighten up the mood of a serious conversation. Most people find humor entertaining and fun; hence, it gradually becomes part of everyday conversation.
However, there is a major difference between positive humor and negative humor. The latter involves rude attacks on people or their ideas, or focuses on areas of behavior that should not be discussed at the dinner table. It usually humiliates other people due to discrimination according to profession, race, age, and gender. Hence, this type of entertainment is morally wrong and can hurt the feelings of other.
The more appropriate sense of humor to use as entertainment during conversations is the good one, in which it is loaded with pure silliness and can offend nobody. The primary purpose of such jokes is to break the ice that might be forming during serious talks and discussions, motivating other people to participate more with such activities.
Louis Siegfried, a successful businessman of computers, says, “I think if you have fun, then you do well. We can’t tolerate people who aren’t enthusiastic.” Siegfried is known as practicing positive attitude while he takes his business seriously. He says, “Whether it’s meetings, memos, or policies, most business seems to operate on the premise that if you can possibly make something boring, make it extra boring. We operate under the rule that the best way to get people to do their job well is to get them to want to do their job, and the best way to do that is to make sure there’s little fun in what we do.”
Building on that Positive Sense of Humor
- Bring out the child in you. Children are naturally funny, amusing, and enjoyable. Showing up your innocent side to other people can help you develop your sense of humor easily. Assume playful behaviors. Be open to childish and even meaningless stuffs. They may seem nothing to you, but they can totally entertain other people.
- Think funny. See the lighter part of every situation, rather than the serious one. When you failed an exam, say that it was not because you didn’t study, but because you studied too well that your brain exploded with all the information it contained. On the other hand, when you’re late at work because you weren’t able to wake up on time, say, “I know it would be traffic so I let it cease first before I went to the office.” Upon close observation, you’ll realize that there is always a flip side to everything, so try to unravel and make use of it. Besides making you cheerful, funny thoughts can reduce worries and anxiety that serious situations can bring about.
- Laugh at your mistakes. Nobody is perfect, and no one will be. Therefore, it is inevitable that we all will commit mistakes. When this happens to you, don’t get mad right away or blame other people. Doing such won’t help you turn back the hands of time and redo the situation. Hence, make fun of it instead. Yes, it may be embarrassing, but who cares? At least you know how to turn your low points upside down.
- Be in between happy people. Surround yourself with those who can make you laugh or can teach you how to make use of laughter as a weapon. Adopt their culture and think the way they do. Funny people can inspire you to be just like them. When you get used to seeing their happy persona and hearing their lively jokes, you’d gradually develop their skills at humoring.
- Learn to sing and dance. During tense moments, do not worry. Instead, fill your heart and mind with cheerful emotions. Sing to express. Dance to let go of all the worries and fears. Life is too short to waste on being upset all the time.
- Share laughter with family and friends. It is always more comfortable to have fun with people close to you than with strangers. Once in a while, go out and spend quality time together with them. Whether it’s just a simple scrabble match or watching movies, there can always be a positive sense of humor situation that can take place. Grab these opportunities to learn.
It has been said that if love is blind, friendship is just not noticing. A friend is a single term we use to call our allies, supporters, sympathizers, advisers, brothers, playmates, classmates, listeners, and a lot more. This is because we reveal things to friends that we just wouldn’t say to anybody else. They give us encouragement, feedback, honest opinions, and advice. A friend is someone you can trust with confidential matters – you know that he won’t hold anything against you. A friend is someone who has the same interests as yours, and accepts, understands, and loves you for who you are.
Friendship is the first thing we can offer to and accept from a person after having to meet him personally and know some things about him. By being friendly, it may mean “expressing a liking for one person,” “welcoming him into your life,” or “conveying a generally positive feeling towards him.”
On the other hand, unfriendliness is the communication of negative feelings for another person through verbal and/or nonverbal methods. The message conveying this aura includes: “I’m not interested in you,” “You are not welcome,” “You irritate me,” and other distant and cold remarks. That is why charisma is about friendliness, and not the other way around; because if somebody feels this kind of atmosphere in you, then you’ll be stuck with just being noticed but not being liked.
Making friends requires time, effort, commitment, a give-and-take-relationship, and a lot of tolerance for the many limitations and weaknesses we all have. Although most people are open to new friendships, life pursuits such as family and careers tend to become higher priority. Some people feel it takes too much time and effort to develop friendship. For one, you have to develop trust, as friendship requires mutual trust between two people; and trust takes a lot of time to develop. Also, being familiar with the other person, including knowing and practicing similar interests, does not take little time.
When you are friendly, others would want to be with you. They would prefer to stay with you rather than with people who make them feel unwelcome. That is why friendliness is an essential element in developing charisma – because it is actually how people will know your intentions and desires.
Being Friendly and Sociable
- Get rid of all unfriendly behaviors. When you come to think of it, the mere absence of unfriendliness can be perceived as friendliness. Hence, the best way to boost your friendliness is to eliminate all your unfriendly attitudes. Prevent unfriendliness by adopting a new perspective or way of seeing things in life, resulting in new ideas, values, and realities. Smile, rather than being a snub; trust, rather than doubt; and stay positive, rather than being negative.
- Develop a friendly mindset. Make sure your attitude is friendly for realization. To do that, you must develop a way of thinking in which friendliness is the default position. Learn to like yourself. Before other people can start liking you, you should give them enough reasons to.
- Become familiar with people. When you see the same people over a period of time, start conversations with them. Find out if you have similar interests; and if the conditions are right, you can start up a friendship. Becoming familiar with the people you deal with everyday will make this much easier. Start by smiling, saying “hello,” and introducing yourself. And before you know it, a new friendship has developed.
- Introduce yourself. Do not wait for other people to ask you your name and more information about you. Be the first one to take the initiative to say, “By the way, my name is [Maria]. What’s yours?” The sooner you introduce yourself to other people, the more comfortable you become with each other. On the other hand, when you wait longer to make an introduction, the situation gets more awkward.
- Make other people feel important. Remember important facts and details about other people you meet. In doing so, you make them feel special. Your attention shows your interest and curiosity, and encourages them to talk and reveal more information. When people begin to open up to you, it means they are starting to trust you and are comfortable with you.
- Don’t be afraid to show your liking to the other person. When you want to make friends with someone, let him know you are interested and that you want to get to know him better. Make it a point to stop and chat when there is a perfect opportunity. You will be building a friendly, outgoing attitude. When you show a person that you like him, he will most likely respond in a friendly manner.
- Manage your anger. A display of extreme anger can be the loudest dose of unfriendliness you can ever give someone. When you feel anger coming on, pause for a while and breathe deeply. Think about what you have to say first before blurting out words not appropriate for the situation. Speak wisely. If you need to vent your anger really badly, do it in private, or with an understanding friend. Go to the gym and take it out on a set of weights or a punching bag. After all, that punching bag won’t see your unfriendliness and can’t destroy your personality.
- Learn to repair damages. Even if it can be difficult at times, apologize and say you’re sorry, especially if you know it’s your fault. You may not be forgiven right away, but at least you have done your part in accepting your mistake and in asking for forgiveness. People tend to forget mistakes done by those who know how to acknowledge them and are ready to make changes.
Do you know that for eight in ten people, self-image matters more in how they rate their job performance than does their actual job performance? In fact, for most people studied, they claimed that the first step towards improving their job performance had nothing to do with the job itself, but with improving how they felt about themselves.
Before we continue, let me ask you this: how good are you at your job (or at just anything that you’re doing)? Do you carry out tests or other evaluation measures to assess your performance at a certain task? Surely, there is an objective way to know whether you are good, excellent, or superb at what you do – whether you should consider yourself a success or not.
Actually, people who do not think they are good at what they do – admitting to themselves that they are just the typical kind – are not capable of success and leadership. Some people think others are really better than them, and they do not change their opinion even when they are presented with indicators of success. Instead, their self-doubts overrule evidence to the contrary.
Don’t wait for your next evaluation to change your view on yourself, because you are totally independent from facts; and feelings of confidence actually start with entertaining the thought that you are good enough.
It’s true! Believing and having enough faith in yourself – that you have what it takes to carry out a task – is more important than the actual result of actually carrying out the task. Confidence, believing that you can make something happen, helps you become the better person you are thinking.
A dancer from Springfield, Missouri named Ross can exemplify the importance of confidence. He dreamed of becoming part of Broadway, and eventually achieved his most desired wish. He has one explanation for his surprising success: “I have confidence. If you want to do it, you have to really want it and believe in it. You have to make it happen. You can’t sit back and hope that someone is going to help you along.”
Enough confidence is an essential component of an attractive personality. Authorities like bosses, leaders, teachers, and the likes, prefer working with people who know and believe they can handle a certain task. Somehow, they would like that their work be reduced, rather than increased, so they tend to hire or appoint somebody who appears to be already knowledgeable enough. And with confidence, you will surely get that kind of impression.
Making You More Confident about Yourself
The problem with most unconfident people is that they feel inferior to others. Inferiority is a humiliating disbelief in one’s self. It comes, not from genetic factors, but from awful childhood experiences, in which the attempts of the child to express his growing personality were prevented by an over-bearing parent or guardian, by a sibling or a schoolmate, or by some humiliating physical defect.
Inferiority starts at a stage in your life when your will was broken, and when your belief in yourself and in your ability was punctured. This results into emotional immaturity. On one hand, you are “less than the dust” in your own opinion. On the other hand, you compensate for this by exaggerated dreams, ideas, and ambitions quite beyond the scope of possibility. In consequence, you plan pretentious schemes in which you attain international recognition, rescue princesses from the hands of the villains, discover earth buried treasure, or become the conqueror of the world! Nothing less will do.
You are like a baby unable to walk, but hopes to capture the moon…and to capture it right now! But as soon as you make efforts to achieve your goals in real life, your disbelief in yourself springs back on you and you are returned on your native distrust. You think to yourself, I can never be good! And your inferiority continues to battle with your superior thinking, with no tangible outcome apart from mental torture.
Challenging as it is, this problem with inferiority can be dealt with if you trace it to its source and start a new lifestyle.
Relax. Remember to feel what it’s like to be a child again. Recall the countless bullies you endured, or the scolds from your parents you open-mindedly accepted. Live it over again in your mind. Bring back to memory all the cruel remarks, humiliations, and embarrassments you never wanted to live with in the first place.
Remember how these experiences were too much to bear – how your whole life became a protest against the inevitable defeat, with the result that your mental energies, instead of moving towards real achievement, were wrecked in a sea of worry and conflict because you thought you were a failure. Everyone appeared to be superior and better than you. You were “the little kid that nobody loves” and they became the monster in your eyes that you could never stand up to.
Now, since you’re not a kid anymore and you understand how this attitude has stayed with you through life, you can gradually climb out of it. You do not need to be the maltreated kid whom nobody loves anymore. You realize now that you are indeed a valuable member of the society and many recognize your presence.
You must control your mind and insist that the humiliating verdict passed on you by your childhood authorities and bullies is not true – that you must begin to accept yourself and believe in your own worth.
Don’t prejudice your chance of success by pursuing impossible dreams and ambitions. Instead, start with small accomplishments and work your way up with them. Morbid as it may seem, you need to kill your inferior self, so the more confident you can show up and do what it has to do – build the best out of you.
- BEING YOURSELF
Before continuing with this report, let me ask you something: Who are you? And please, don’t just give me a name, a profession, or family information. Ok, to help you answer my question, sit back, relax, take a deep breath, and ask yourself the following questions:
- How do I describe myself? Am I a happy person or do I get mad easily? Am I Mr. Know-It-All or just plain stupid most of the time? Do I believe that I’m good-looking or am I contented with how people see me?
- How did I come up with such description? Are those how I truly feel or just things I heard from other people?
- How do I behave, react, and respond …in the house? …in the office? …with my friends? …with strangers?
- How do others see me? Why could they possibly say that? Do I see their bases and can I justify it?
- What are my dreams, goals, and ambitions in life? Have I already achieved even just a few of them? How do I plan to achieve the rest of them?
- Who are my true friends? Close friends? Distant friends? Acquaintances? Am I a real friend to them, too?
- What do other people expect of me? Am I meeting their expectations or have I disappointed them even once?
- What is my best asset? Why did I say so? Has anybody told me it is really a good feature on me?
The above guide questions will help you realize how well you know yourself. And once you’ve known more, here’s another question: Are you being the “real” you at all times? No hesitations? No pretensions?
Joe Pine and Jim Gilmore, authors of the book Get Real, define the term real as “being true to yourself and being true to others; as possessing authenticity and sincerity.” They add, “Real people know their roots, their heritage, and their history. They remember where they came from and who brought them to the dance. And they retain that knowledge. They know their values, and they behave accordingly.”
Being real, or being you, is important on all occasions, not just to other people, but also more to yourself. When you show people who you really are, they will believe that you are sincere. What they will hear is who you actually are. There will be no veil between your true nature and your perception of it. You are the same on the outside as on the inside.
People don’t want to be deceived in any way. And if you are untrue, if you are not real, if you do something that is not you, then you are performing deceit. How can the acts of being unreal take your charisma away from you?
First, there is lying. When other people find out that you are not telling the truth to them, everything you have ever said or done will be put into question. Another sign of being unreal is an act of hypocrisy. Don’t you feel terrible when someone is not being real with you? Finally, there is insincerity – when we are being fooled. How would you feel if you were given a praise that makes you feel great about yourself and then later on found out that it was full of hot air?
Isn’t it annoying how other people show not their true self, but somebody you don’t even know? We know the feeling. Hence, we should not be seen doing such act. If you want to be liked, be yourself. Never be afraid, because the more you show the real you, the more reasons you’ll have for other people to like you.
How Can You Be True to Yourself?
Being yourself requires no other rules but to just stay whoever you are, wherever you are, and whenever it is. If we list down things here that you should do with the purpose of aiming you to be yourself, following them wouldn’t make you yourself, but somebody we want you to be. Hence, just be natural. You may have limitations now, but opening your mind to further learning can help you improve yourself and may transform you into a better you.
To help you motivate yourself to be just yourself and not like other people, here are some quotations cited by famous people who were definitely themselves, too:
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. ~Dr. Seuss
He who trims himself to suit everyone will soon whittle himself away. – Raymond Hull
Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. – Judy Garland
We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves. - François Duc de La Rochefoucauld
Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. – Benjamin Disraeli
Almost every man wastes part of his life in attempts to display qualities which he does not possess, and to gain applause which he cannot keep. - Samuel Johnson, The Rambler, 1750
If God had wanted me otherwise, He would have created me otherwise. – Johann von Goethe
Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later, if you are posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you? - Fanny Brice
No man for any considerable period can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true. - Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter
You were born an original. Don’t die a copy. - John Mason
It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not. – Andre Gide
We all wear masks, and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing some of our own skin. – André Berthiaume, Contretemps.
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